Malikei from The United States
I was just sitting there and kind of listening to it in my room. It was Sara Bareilles, the Careful Confessions album.
Slowly, I started exploring myself touching myself across different parts of my body.
As the song progressed, I noticed my body was having these reactions to the music. I started exploring more and more thinking “let’s see what happens when I do this, I think this is the right thing to do.” I kept getting a little more into it and allowing myself to experience these physical pleasures that I knew nothing about.
I grew up in a very sexually open household so at a very young age my mother did a very good job of explaining what sex is, how babies are made and then as I got older, safe sex, but I never had the explanation of what masturbation was or how one went about it. A lot of what I learned was from media and watching the L Word and various queer films. Or from secretly exploring pornography and just having that understanding of like, ok well, they are looking like they are having a good time.
It was between Undertow and Gravity that I actually started getting very sexually aroused by the bass line. I don’t know what it was about it.
As the CD went on, I remember this part of the song where she plays that bass and then she goes and hits this note and holds it. And holds it. As soon as that happened, I truly experienced sexual pleasure for the first time. Something about that bass line really got to me.
A couple weeks later my family and I were taking a road trip to Florida to visit my grandparents. We were in the car and I had my headphones in and my iPod on shuffle.
Then that song came on.
I was in the car with my siblings and my parents. I was fifteen years old and I just learnt how to experience my body and there were hormones hitting and all of these horney normal teenage things and of all things, this song comes on.
All of the sudden I became so ridiculously sexually frustrated. I became really hermited and wouldn’t talk. I kept thinking “oh my god oh my god don’t let anyone notice.”
It was really awkward but I didn’t turn the song off, a part of me wanted the experience. I kind of just let myself listen to it and kind of experience those feelings and sensations in a mindset but I didn’t physically act on it.
To this day when I hear that album, I immediately become aroused. It’s without fail. And actually when I have special “alone time” that’s usually the music I put on.