Playing “E”

Katja from Germany

One day when I was in kindergarten, a friend came over and while we were playing, she asked me if I had ever had an orgasm. I was like wait a second, you used this fancy word but you used it wrong because that word is organism. I just didn’t know the word obviously. In German, the words are just as similar as in English, orgasmus vs organismus.


It’s confusing, terribly confusing, for a six year old. She was like no no no that’s a different thing. An orgasm is when two adults play together and it feels really good and they are naked. I was like oh, you’re talking about sex right! I knew what sex was but we were not on the same level, she knew what an orgasm was so she was far more advanced than me at that point.


No… I didn’t think I had ever had an orgasm.


how we develop fetishes She then suggested this game where we had role-playing scenes like doctor and a job interview. I still find interviews super hot by the way, I don’t know how much that has anything to do with that experience. I mean it’s probably connected right? This is what they tell you with sexual preferences and how your experiences from early childhood can influence your preferences as an adult.


Maybe that is why I am into women…


We did the whole proper negotiation before and she told me exactly what to do. She said this is what the scene is going to look like and told me exactly what was going to happen, step by step. She had this loft bed with a hammock underneath and this was the examination area. We were dressed and she started touching my body, nothing sexual really, mostly my arms and legs. Then she had her head against my chest like she was listening to my heart and told me to breathe. Her head went down to my stomach and at some point she had her ear on my vagina or pussy or whatever and I was like oh, ok this is interesting. Then she started touching my upper body in a massaging kind of way and then went all the way down to my pussy and it was really nice.


I didn’t feel comfortable showing that that I liked it so much but it was also a part of the game that I wasn’t supposed to be really into it. It was this whole negotiated power play- she was the doctor who would do all of these things and I would just have to take it, that’s the way it works, doctor knows best. I wasn’t supposed to let it show that I actually enjoyed it quite a lot. At some point, she told me that my body needed further examination so we crawled up to her loft bed. She told me to lie down on my back and put a blanket on top of me, then she laid on top of me and started touching me again. I kept thinking this is so good, so good, really, really good and at some point she just stopped.

Scene is over.

playing doctor We did this multiple times, even when we met weeks or months later. It was our thing. We also came up with a name for the game. Actually it’s not really a game, we knew that, we knew what we were doing was sex. Our first thought was let’s call it X, but that’s far too obvious, of course you can’t call it X, everyone would know what you are doing. So there are S and E left. S still didn’t feel super comfortable so we decided E is a good name. From then on, every time we saw each other she would at some point ask if I wanted to go play E with her.


The other scene we would play out was a job interview. I was supposed to do the interview this time and I was really nervous because I didn’t know what to do. Of course you don’t know what to do at six or seven years old. I basically did the same things that she did, the only real difference was when we ended up on her bed, I was on top. My leg was between hers and I noticed that it feels so much better when you are on top, though I didn’t really know what to do with this newfound information. I just decided from now on I am going to make sure that I am always the person in power, because then I get to be on top once we go to bed. It was worth the discomfort of not knowing what to do.


I always wondered why didn’t we take our clothes off and actually do this but I didn’t dare to say something or ask.


What I really find interesting now was the whole negotiation part. We did a really good job role-playing and navigating the important aspects of it. The only thing we didn’t do was check in afterwards and after care. I felt a need for it too, even though I didn’t know what that was, I was longing for it. I was just super confused. The fact that we were both girls also confused me a lot. I knew that this existed, that there were women who loved women, but at the time I didn’t know a lot about sex but I was pretty sure there was an important part about a penis going into a vagina.


The way that I learned about sex actually was really great. Some kids in my class found a condom on the playground and everyone gathered around this trashcan trying to get a look. I had no idea what I was looking for, but wanted to see anyway. When I got home I asked my dad. He was like ehhhhhh….. I’m going to tell you, but I can’t do it right now, but I will tell you soon. I thought ok, this is going to be super huge and super interesting and so I kept begging him to tell me over the next couple of days. My dad used to always read me a story before I went to bed and so one night he came with his old GDR biology book and gave me a really scientific explanation of sex. It was not an embarrassing or shameful thing at all. He told me what a condom was and what people use it for and that sex is not just for making babies but people also do it because it’s fun, which is why people use condoms or the pill. He had brought a condom and showed it to me. explaining sex to kidsIt was a really good and easy conversation.


I felt so comfortable that I actually asked him how often he and my mom had sex and he said I’m not going to tell you that because it’s also kind of a private thing. Both of my parents were from the GDR so at least there was a very relaxed attitude about sex, especially compared to other people in the west who were a lot more religious. I am just super grateful for that night. I should tell him that, by the way, do you remember twenty years ago, you me and the biology book?


This experience with the girl stuck with me because of how much I liked it. I thought there was something wrong with me because I was so into her but obviously she liked it as well, otherwise we wouldn’t have played that game.


When I was twelve or thirteen, I had my first kiss, like real kiss with tongue with my best friend who was a woman. She did it to make the guys jealous or hot but I really enjoyed it. It was amazing and I wanted to keep doing it. I noticed I got wet as well and I was like fuck, I think I like women more than most people, or more than most females do. At this point I also had masturbated and all of those fantasies always involved women. I am not sure how much this experience with my kindergarten friend actually had anything to do with that or if I would have gotten to this point anyway.


I mean, if she is the reason why I like sex with women, then thank you so very much.

experimenting with sexuality

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